Kaka went home…a letter from Nephew

Year ago, today, around this time our Kaka went home……. and if this story goes out to the world, this is what I would say to him.

Dear Kaka,

I once heard a set of parents say that they wanted their ceiling to be their children’s floor. If you’d heard that, too, you would have said it. You lived it.

It’s been one year since you are gone. Yet I still wake up in the morning thinking this is a nightmare and you’re not really gone. At night I look at the sky though windows and make a wish on the brightest star I see and I believe it is you.

When I was young you told me we grieve for ourselves because the deceased are in a better place. As a human, I know that is true, but I still miss you terribly. The last nine months of your life I was so close to you watched you endure horrific pain. I prayed and pleaded with God to heal you. Towards the end of your life I was so angry that my prayers were not answered. You were not supposed to die unable to eat; it seemed like such a cruel death sentence for such a good man.

When you died my grief became so overwhelming and suffocating that on numerous occasions I questioned myself what went wrong because, you played a major role in my life and now you were gone. Yes on my birth gave me the identity with a name, in my entire existence we spoke every other day, sometimes we agree sometime we disagree, yet the dialogue never concluded. Even when I was away in college you never forgotten to call me whether am alright.That’s 40 years of calling you Kaka, 40 years of being your kid, 40 years of feeling safe, 40 years pure, unconditional love. And now just like that you were gone.

On your departure the people who I thought were going to be my anchors quickly became the holes in my lifeboat. Complete, utter disappointments. Our family desperately needed kindness, love and support, anything else seemed cruel and unwelcome. Taking a page out of your book I chose to break ties and ignore. One of the greatest lessons you taught me is to quiet a fool with silence. Unfortunately death brings out quite a few fools.

A father is the one who guides his Son through life, and now even in death you are guiding me as a father. You are constantly showing me that path what am suppose to do.Sometime I feel you speak to me through feathers, music and if I listen closely I can still hear your sweet voice.

Your death has been a mysterious doorway with so much painful grieving for me. It’s been a full year since your death you are still opening that door comforting me. I can smell you, and for a moment I can feel you sitting next to me in the bike. Or when a rain drops over me, and I smile because I know it’s you sending me love from above. Since you have passed I have found enough raindrops to build my river.

I miss you even more today than one year ago because it’s been 12 months since I heard your voice, heard your laugh, told you I am going for cycling when everyone in home were sleeping or when I use to call home from abroad you use to pick the call.

There is so much of you in me that I think I frighten many sometimes. I have your sense of humor and share your love for life. Some always telling me I have your eyes and heart. You loved people and a good party. Since you have gone I have received endless calls, messages. photos, and texts telling me what a great man you were.

I established an annual award in your name where every year someone will inspire others about your contribution to society. Recently I had meet up on the subject. A lots people, some whom you never met came out to celebrate YOU and to help raise awareness. Your passing has created another level of a new beautiful community who will join me and rest of family in celebrating your life..

You taught me how to love life even when it’s terrifying and difficult and you know it’s going to be painful. As I sat and held your hand throughout my life and the last nine months of your pain and suffering, I saw an incredible person, my hero. I learned how precious life is. I will always carry your pain and suffering in my heart, but I can also see my Kaka is a superhero, the strongest man for many in the world.

The man who raised me, the man who was my first friend and my best well wisher. The man who gave me identity, taught me how to drive, how to dance while standing on top of his feet and how to appreciate nature..

Even though I can no longer hear your voice, I still see your face and I can feel your love. You’re still with me, in my laughter, my smile, my tears and in my writing.

Kaka your sudden departure year ago still an inspiration for all of us to celebrate your Life. Wish you could have stayed little longer to see your dreams grounding and an opportunity for me to take those souvenir moments of life.

Jai Jagannatha